I lost count of the months that have passed since the shelter-in-place orders in Washington State. And to be honest, I thought this situation would have ended months ago. In the meantime, I walk alone. Yes, I live with relatives, but I still feel like I’m walking alone.
And what I mean by that is I literally walk a mile, or two, or three, or even four miles a day alone. Families on bicycles pass by me, people with their dogs glide past me on the other side of the street or at least seven feet away (as is required during these strange times). While I’m used to living a singles life with solo experiences, this aloneness gets to me. It leaves me feeling irritated, cranky, and intolerant to people who show little courtesy to others less vulnerable or less fortunate than they are.
But on the other hand, this isolation has forced me into deep self-contemplation and reflection. I signed up for online courses and was certified as a Reiki Master, animal communicator, and Angel Therapist. I have gained new business skills to propel me forward into this new era (post-pandemic), and despite living my life at a distance from others, I’ve forged new friendships–something I thought unimaginable during the pre-mask days.
I’m reminded of the line by Bob Dylan, “It takes a lot to laugh, it takes a train to cry…” but when I see so many eyes without a face because people’s mouths and noses are covered usually by black masks, I chuckle out loud. And people don’t see the humor in this absurdity of the current times. I can’t help but wonder if we are too gullible and too malleable and these acts we do out of goodness and decency for others will actually kill us in the end by weakening our defenses instead of boosting them.
Since I walk alone and pretty much live alone, even though my relatives hang out in the background (I prefer to live alone in my own home), I have time to think. I have time to do the proverbial math and see that it doesn’t add up. I have stayed awake at night, oftentimes talking to spirit guides about the truth of our situation because I was taught in my childhood by one teacher or another to question authority. And why does it seem like the truth only visits me in the quiet of the night?
I’ve looked around for signs of others waking up. I’ve looked for codes and keywords from celebrities in the know and come up empty. I’ve looked for answers from the spiritual teachers and some have given me hope while others appear to have fallen back into amnesia because of fear.
On my lonely mile, I realize that not facing or knowing the truth places us in peril. And that most people are too fearful to question their reality or the reality that is spun by others around them. We’re afraid to speak our hearts and our minds because going against the herd leads to shame in the form of insults hurled at us like rocks from the ancient Middle East.
Sticks and stones will break our bones and words will truly hurt us, although we were taught that words are just words. However, words are powerful birds or they are like the pebble that causes ripples in a pond. There’s no taking back words once they are out in the world. And even if I deleted this post, it’s already doing its work in the world, hopefully waking someone up.
Walking the lonely mile is my choice and also a choice forced upon me by the governor’s orders–stay at home, even if it’s not your home. And many people who have suffered from loneliness and feeling out of sync with others in their household, whether that is their parents, or their family members, or housemates, know that if people don’t get you or respect who you are then life is as lonely as you were living on a deserted island with only the turtles to keep you entertained.
The thing about walking is that I or anyone can only take one step at a time. Eventually, we cover the ground and get somewhere. Or we can take a leap of faith which covers more ground even if it lands us in unfamiliar territory. I know that few people will read this post or maybe no one at all, which is usually the case with my blog posts.
But if a lonely person’s eyes land upon my words, loneliness is a club and you’re not alone. The Beatles once sang, “When all the broken-hearted people in the world agree, there will be an answer. Let it be.” Or join me in singing the words to Seargent Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. I hope you enjoy the show.