Intuitive Coaching 101–Avoiding Time-Wasters and Soul-Suckers


200px-Mary_had_a_little_lamb_2_-_WW_Denslow_-_Project_Gutenberg_etext_18546We came to this planet to learn and grow in love, kindness and generosity.  However, learning the difference between true generosity and enabling others to stay stuck in soul-draining behaviors doesn’t serve the greater good. Sadly, many people take advantage of kindness and not only that, when they suck us of our energy, we have little left to give back to the planet or practice self-care.

So who are these soul suckers and why do we avoid them?

 

Mary and her lamb, Wikipedia

1. Social Narcissist–These folks are everywhere from heading non-profits, to teaching children (and adults), to working in the healing profession to celebrities.  They often working in helping professions or make themselves useful to others, as they keep score of all their good deeds, while expecting a payoff at some point.

These are the folks who roll up their sleeves to help others in need and everyone pats them on the back for their efforts.  But keep in mind these folks keep long lists of all their “kind” deeds and our faults too.  This way they keep us in dependent on them thus disallowing us to live our own paths.

Let me give you an example.  Say, you find yourself requiring help moving house and you post a notice on social media with the hopes that a friend or colleague comes to your aid.  Someone does and you are grateful for their help.  You offer to pay them cash, but he or she won’t accept cash. They say that you can pay them back in a favor at some other time.  Well, time goes by and you offer to help them with various tasks, but they refuse your help at those times.  Meanwhile, they keep hanging this future favor exchange over your head so you feel trapped like you can’t move on with your life.  Some how you feel tied to this person.

Then one day when your life is moving forward and you’re busier than you have ever been, this “friend” shows up in the midst of drama and requires your help.  When you mention that you can’t help them because you are busy, they get out the list of all the favors or favor they did for you.  Suddenly, you are the selfish one. Meanwhile, this person has drained you of your energy this whole time.

The healthiest way to help another person is to do so without any strings attached.  A kind deed from the heart has no strings attached.  Life isn’t about keeping score of who’s doing what.

2. The Fake Soulmate–This person could be the same or opposite sex. They show up under unusual even seemingly magical circumstances and claim to have lived many past lives with you.  They claim that you have karma to balance off thus beginning a co-dependent and sometimes cruel relationship.  Anytime you try to walk away, the person draws you back in with synchronicity or remembering some past life you shared, saying that it your turn to pay up.  These types of relationships could easily transform into sadomasochistic situations or domestic violence.  Get out while you still can and stop believing in their fairy tales.

Solution: See the situation for what it is rather than how you desire it.  Listen to the advice of your real friends who see the light before you do.  Then run from the scene.

3. Drama Kings and Queens–These folks are usually quite attractive and talented.  They draw people in with their allure and usually hangout with the popular crowd.  They prey on people with low self-esteem and make them feel like they are special or good friends.  Yet, they remind us that these relationships are never based on partnerships of equals.  And when something goes wrong in their lives (big or small), they expect you to watch or more like witness, their dramas, while they suck you dry.  Not only that, they demand your undivided attention and are jealous of any life you try to live without them.

Solution: Practice self-love and find a life coach to work with to help you develop your talents, skills and confidence in yourself.  Then it’s easier to escape the grips of the Drama King or Queen.

4. The Serial Victim–Know the difference between someone truly down on their luck whose willing to help themselves if only given a leg up and the person who sucks other people dry with victim games.  The Serial Victim actually doesn’t want their life circumstances to improve, mainly because they fear change.  They also fear not having any friends if life actually goes their way.  These folks require therapy so that they can witness the games they play with others.

They fish around for advice so you give them advice which they constantly reject.  They would rather complain with you as the recipient of their complaints.  This wastes both of your time and then you are not able to fulfill the requirements of your own life path. Also Serial Victims only support you when you’re down and when you’re on the same level as them. They enjoy pity parties and comparing life circumstances.  But if your life starts moving in the right direction they’ll either do one of two things.  They will berate you for acting selfish or they will pull out another woe so that you drop what you’re doing to help them.

Solution: Confront these folks, but not with a list of everything they’ve done wrong.  Confront them with their behavior and how it makes you feel.  Tell them you care about them, but feel drained by their constant victim behavior then direct them to a qualified therapist or support group.  If they refuse to get help, then it’s best to end the relationship or connection.  If this is a family situation, then avoid contact with this family member until they get professional help.

5. Psychic Vampire–These folks hangout in spiritual communities and attend spiritual workshops in search of their next high.  They jump from one spiritual practice to the next without ever committing to any particular one and they give the impression that they interested in soul mastery.  But what they really seek are gurus or other spiritual folks to suck of life energy.  However, the truth is that they can’t do that unless we allow it.  They mostly prey on healers and spiritual teachers, especially those just starting out with a practice.

Solution–Give them the tools and send them on their way.  If they are clients, then redirect them to professional therapy or tell them that they have moved beyond your level of expertise.  Or better yet, confront them with their soul-sucking behavior and watch them run.

I’m not sharing this list so that we go and look for trouble or troublesome people in our lives.  The purpose of this post is to remind us that we have work to do on the planet and we must eliminate distractions that block us from fulfilling our life paths.  Besides, I don’t like this idea of keeping score or balancing karma with others because these practices entrap us.

Think of these people as handcuffed to you.  Do you really want to drag that extra weight around? There are people who require genuine help and when we help these folks we feel lightness and love.  We don’t feel like we’re bonded to them for many lives to come. When I help others, I do so from my heart without any expectations of a payback.  And when I ask someone for help, I expect that there will be no strings attached, otherwise, I’m not going to ask for help.

Now, you could even feel this draw on your energy when you’re around these folks in the form of guilt or that you can’t stand up to them by saying no to a request because you feel you owe them. But in truth you owe them nothing.  As loving beings we are meant to give and receive, but it doesn’t have to come from the same people.

For instance, I might toss a dollar or two into a street musician’s hat without any expectations.  Then one day, I’m short a dollar at the grocery store and the person behind me gives me a dollar.  The well of the Universe runs deep and the cycle of giving and receiving is endless.  Give from your heart and you shall receive when you least expect it.

I’m an astrologer and intuitive coach who specializes in Transformational Astrology, Pediatric Astrology and intuitive coaching for artists and entrepreneurs.  Visit Metaphysics 4 Everyday Living for more details.

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