Intuitive Coaching 101–Avoid the Pygmalion Relationship

movie poster for educational use

movie poster for educational use

In the movie, My Fair Lady, Professor Higgens takes on the mission to transform the flower seller Eliza Doolittle in an English lady with disastrous results.  And while the movie  is based on a fantasy, how many times do we look for a fixer-upper mate instead of manifesting a partner already up to speed with who we are?

Women do this and so do men, especially after enduring a long desert without a life partner.  We start out with a list of our ideal mate and even give our best with a headstrong attempt to manifest this ideal.  But as time wears our patience and our friends keep trying to fix us up with Mister or Missus Wrong, we cave.  We cross attributes off our lists and make compromises, but if we make too many compromises we could at best end up with a critical partner or at worst, end up in an abusive situation that sucks our lifeblood.

I truly believe that we can manifest the partner we desire in our heart, but we first must show up for ourselves as a loving partner.  Self-loathing does not bring a loving partner into our lives.  If we beat ourselves up, criticize our thighs, face, hair or whatever, then the partner who shows up will join the critiquing party.  Then it just gets ugly.  I know, I’ve been there too many times.  If we are insecure, we attract insecure men, women or situations.  If we are greedy with ourselves, stingy at the grocery store, or in giving pleasure to ourselves, then we attract either a greedy mate or someone so generous that he or she leaves us feeling guilty.

But let’s get back to the plans of transforming other people into our perfect mates.  Anytime we use a phrase such as, “He’ll do” or “She’ll do,” then we are barking up the Pygmalion tree.  When we see other people as challenges, we bark up the same tree.  When we tell other people how to act, or nitpick everything they do, or don’t like the way they dress, or laugh, or sing, or what they eat, then good chance, we will experience strife instead of love in that partnership.  So should we change the phrase from love relationship to strife relationship?

I see couples everywhere I go and I used to envy them.  But I don’t know if those are harmonious relationships and I would rather be alone then feel stressed out with the wrong chemistry.  I chose a spiritual path and I’m not willing to bring a man up to speed because that would slow down my own spiritual progress.  I’m looking for an equal and not an apprentice of metaphysics.  He must already jumped aboard the quantum physics or Law of Attraction train and gained momentum on his own.

Many women (and men) have made leaps of progress in the spiritual realm since the late 1980s.  They have devoted themselves to personal growth, self-love, soul mastery and manifestation practices that serve the greater good.  These folks are adept at sound healing, the power and intention of words, affirming action, inspired action and if they’re not, they put in the efforts to learn a new way of being in the world that brings balance to the planet.  We call these folks Light Workers, or Doreen Virtue calls them Earth Angels.  They are usually the folks that leave a party early (if they attend a party) because they choose not to be around drunk people, gossip, or negative self-talk.  Meditation holds more promise for these folks, and if you meet a Light Worker and want to date him or her, get up to speed by your own volition.

Some Light Workers take on fixer-uppers out of compassion or empathy, but this is a form of self-sabotage.  Their partners suck them dry, if not outright abuse them.  The partners mock the Light Workers beliefs, belittle their spiritual practice, interrupt a meditation practice, or create drama that distracts the Light Worker from their life purpose.  If any of this sounds familiar, it’s time to leave the partner and heal the patterns or beliefs that cause self-sabotage.  The Light Worker might even have an addiction to romantic relationships or a desire to control another person.  Light Workers aren’t just here to bring the planet into balance, they’re also here to heal themselves and they can’t do that in a relationship with a non-supportive partner.

So next time that urge creeps in to settle for partner and compromise your ideal situation, go out and do something you love.  Treat yourself the way you want a partner to treat you.  Make yourself a romantic dinner, light candles, and praise yourself.  Wear your best clothing and gaze into the mirror and tell yourself how much you love you. Write a love letter to yourself with the words you want to hear from a partner and take yourself out on an expensive date (don’t break the bank account though).  Affirm that you are worthy and deserving of the ideal partner and he or she is out there looking for you.

Don’t block the flow of your ideal partner by settling for the fixer-upper. It’s true at the conclusion of My Fair Lady, we witness a “Hollywood ending” in which the professor and the lady get engaged.  But Professor Higgens still learns a lesson about manipulating and controlling another human being to stroke his ego.  The lady gets her revenge and rightfully so.  No one wants others to think of them as inadequate or in need of repair.  That doesn’t do much for a girl’s confidence or a boy’s.  “You’ll do for now,” are not the same words as, “I love you for who you are now.”

I give astrology readings and intuitive coaching sessions in Bellingham, Washington.  I specialize in pediatric astrology, and transformational astrology for adults.  I also focus on coaching artists, artisans, intuitives and entrepreneurs.  Sign up for a session at Whole Music & Whole Astrology