Intuitive Coaching 101–Beauty Defines Us (like it or not)


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When I was growing up, children were tossed into one of three groups or all the groups for the most fortunate ones.  You could either be beautiful, smart or athletic.  Since I had many physical problems I didn’t qualify for athletic and my teachers wrote that I lacked coordination skills on my report cards, and since I had a learning disability in my early grade school years, no one called me smart.  This left me to rely on my looks, which I also lacked during my earliest years.  As time moved on, I learned that labels cause more damage than good and that we say certain phrases to people to make them feel better such as, “beauty is only skin deep.”  Only I question this phrase and our societal concept of beauty.

What is beauty? This differs from culture to culture; and even social groups.  To some folks, a tattooed person seems beautiful, but to others the Breck shampoo look from another era defines beauty.  Some people prefer larger women while others prefer the thin super model.  However, after a photo session from last Sunday, I realized that beauty and youth matter a great deal to me, especially in middle age where I feel like it takes more bells and whistles to create glowing healthy skin and luxurious hair.

My competition, if I want to call other intuitive coaches and astrologers (especially the ones on YouTube) competitors,  look youthful in their 50s and 60s, while I feel myself asking, “What diet are these people eating? Get me on that diet.”  It’s not just actresses and women television hosts who have to look good these days to attract audiences.  Those folks working in the intuitive field and even writing books perk up their looks too.  After all, when you look at the majority of teachers and authors with Hay House, they look fabulous.  Do looks matter? Unfortunately, they do because that’s where people get their first impression, through visual media such as a website, blog, YouTube video, online course or magazine article.

428px-Alphonse_Mucha_-_PoetrySo let’s look at the saying, “Beauty is only skin deep.”  What does that mean? If your skin looks awful, if it is dry of life, spotted, flaking or dull, then that says something about your health and well-being.   The skin reflects what’s going on in the other organs and also let’s the world know about whether or not you take the time to nurture yourself through proper diet, hydration, exercise and how you deal with stress levels.  Healthy skin also brings us self-confidence and radiates our inner joy.  So this skin deep beauty goes straight to the heart and soul of a person.  Just like the eyes tell the world if a soul resides inside a body, the skin reflects whether or not a person experiences self-love or self-sacrifice.

Taking time to care for your body tells the world that you believe in your health and well-being and therefore, the well-being of others.  It’s not selfish to buy supplements, natural beauty products, to color your hair, take a yoga class, or eat healthy.  No one in their 40s or 50s needs to have wrinkles, a paunch hanging over his or her belt or thinning gray hair.  Some people have premature gray hair, that’s a given, but when the skin and hair start going South, it’s time to take better care of ourselves.  And it’s easy to become too busy and distracted to practice self-care so we make excuses or we worry about people calling us vain.  Who cares what other people think?  We all have a right to look good and feel good.

Sadly, men have been told that they get more distinguished with age.  I don’t agree and believe that men my age and older need to take better care of themselves.  Women have always suffered under the oppression of hanging onto their outer beauty as long as possible or end up a spinster or unemployed, unfortunately.  But I’m not talking about superficial beauty.  I’m talking about a healthy spirit and a healthy body that radiates in a type of youthful radiance.  This doesn’t mean we try to look 20 or 30 when we’re approaching 60, but that we look like a healthy 60 year old who has enough verve and energy to accomplish what he or she chooses in the world.  Healthy people have more confidence and we place more trust and confidence in them.

I suppose we could debate the importance of beauty and whether or not we see it as a blessing or a curse.  When I grew older, I was known for my beauty (even though I didn’t notice it so much) and I fought hard to be noticed for my brains.  I wanted to be smart, sexy and beautiful, not to mention successful and famous.  But I also wanted to develop spiritual prowess and a compassionate heart which also radiates beauty and joy in the world.  Why can’t we have it all?

photo by Patricia Herlevi

photo by Patricia Herlevi

I’m an aesthetic person, I’ll admit that.  I nearly faint when I see a natural vista such as a bay with islands in the background or a breathtaking mountain before me.  I love having flowers around and I love looking at glamorous photographs of humans and watching what I consider attractive actors and actresses in movies.  Deep down I’m a photographer and a poet so beauty matters to me.  Perhaps having a singleton Venus in my Natal chart (that’s an unaspected planet) has made me strive harder to seek beauty in the world and align with it.

In a world of fear and limitations, my confession places me in the doghouse with people who don’t value beauty or use phrases like beauty is only skin deep or beauty fades. Is it even politically correct to aspire to outer beauty these days?  If a person is beautiful inside and out, beauty doesn’t fade.  And everyone has their own unique beauty.  And when I talk about self-care and self-nurturing this could be in the form of folk remedies found in the average kitchen or expensive natural skin products and supplements.  Some of the best medicine for healthy skin are pure drinking water and eating fruits and vegetables in large quantities while cutting out caffeine, sugar and unhealthy salt.  Skin care also involves eating healthy fats found in nuts, seeds and fatty fish, and cutting out the bad fats found in most animal products.  Healthy skin also comes from remembering to breathe. That’s when we stop holding our breath and take deep nourishing breaths.

When we care about our looks (I’m not talking obsessing about our looks), we act more confident and in control of our lives.  People develop more confidence in trust in us because they observe that we take time for self-care. These folks are less likely to take advantage of us or expect us to sacrifice our own needs for theirs.  A self-defeating habit to watch for revolves around people who don’t make the effort to look their best when they go out on dates or to networking events where they could meet a life partner.  They dress poorly, throw something together and then slouch with a frown on their face. This is a form of self-sabotage.

The one thing that beautifies a person is a smile.  It doesn’t cost anything.  A smile tells the world that you value the joy of living on a beautiful planet and spreading your own type of beauty whether that comes through with intelligence, wisdom, humor, grace, compassion or confidence.

Here are some metaphysical tools to radiate beauty:

  • Use Sharon Anne Klingler’s exercises from her Power Words book (Hay House) and repeat words such as “beauty” “grace” “health” “youthful vitality” and “radiance” while you meditate.
  • When you pour yourself a glass of water, tape a piece of paper on the glass with the power words on it or ask the water to bring out your beauty as you drink it.
  • Start a skin regiment using either folk remedies or natural products you buy in the store
  • Put money aside to get a salon or spa treatment once a year.
  • Eat fruits and vegetables and cut back on caffeine, salt and sugar as well as any foods you might be allergic or sensitive too such as dairy, corn and gluten.  Heal your digestion and heal your skin.
  • Get a flattering haircut and dress nice even when you’re just going grocery shopping.  If anything you’ll feel more confident.
  • Exercise (walking, cycling, jogging, tai chi, yoga…)
  • Meditate and practice deep breathing
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