Intuitive Coaching 101–Healing a Shame & Blame Society



I experienced an epiphany in the past few hours regarding shame, blame and fault.  This conclusion came at the end of a long inner journey that manifested in the outer world in a series of events.  Like virtually every human on the planet at the moment, I carried a vibration in my body and aura of shame and blame.  Now, whether I attracted this vibration as a child in this life or I was born with the vibration I have no idea.  What I do know is that kept attracting situations that involved me pointing my finger at someone who cowered in shame, in some cases, or someone pointed the blame finger at me.

This appeared so often in my life, like breadcrumbs on a forest path, that I began to notice.  Meanwhile, I found myself caught up in a publishing contract that I wished I had never signed.  I felt a deep anguish every time I thought of the publisher and this anguish manifested more anguish and caused me to act out of character.  The anguish became so unbearable that I asked to be released from the contract.  To make a long story short, the publisher did everything he could do shame and blame me, leaving me sobbing for hours and questioning whether or not I deserved that scathing treatment from him.

And the conclusion I reached was that I did not deserve that treatment, nor did I deserve all the shaming and blaming I experienced in the past from employers, parents, teachers, or anyone else when I stood up for myself.  Then this led me to ask, “Why did I attract that behavior from people in the first place?” And the answer that came to me and disturbed me was that I carry a vibration of shame and blame attracting situations that involved predators, victims, martyrs, promoters of guilt and punitive people.  The Law of Attraction just happens to work this way.  Like attracts like even if we don’t know what that “like” is. Meaning, the situations that we attract in our lives gives us the clue of what’s happening in our vibration so that’s part of the story.

The other part of the story is that humans thrive on the blame and shame game.  If something happens that we don’t like in the world, we automatically look for someone to blame and then we glare at that someone or something.  We rip them apart with our disapproving eyes, tense shoulders and look of self-righteousness.  But the problem is when we blame or shame another, we do the same to ourselves either directly or indirectly and we just find more situations to blame.  The Universe provides us with even more fodder or what we call “evil” to do battle so we dress in our self-righteous armor and go to war.  We’ll never achieve world peace without giving up this game.  And how do we know when we’re playing this game?

Antique_Valentine_1909_01Here are some signs to look for: We side with one political party and find fault with the other party.  We join an activist campaign to shame a corporation or government (I’m guilty of this) and some campaigns even have the language “Shame on you,” such as PETA.  When we search for enemies to fight the good fight, we play this game.  When we rip a former spouse or partner apart with friends, we play this game.  When we watch confessional talk shows, read gossip columns, gossip about neighbors or celebrities we play this game.  When we hire an attorney for any reason we play this game (sometimes you just have to, right?)  When we post an update on a social media network about something going wrong in the world and its perpetrator, we play this game.  And there is probably no area of our lives, (political, social, personal, or familial) that we don’t play this game.  We even post videos of guilty animals on YouTube (funny, but still).

While I recognize that the shame and blame game needs to stop so we can heal ourselves, I don’t yet have a solution.  I’m as caught up in it as the rest of you.  However, I am open to suggestions and you can leave those in the comment section.  For now, look at all the ways you join in this game on a daily, if not hourly basis.  I repeat, we all do this and only a few of us are conscious of our contributions to creating more strife in the world.  The game will continue as long as we have people who play the roles of perpetrator and victim.  The game will continue as long as we refuse to take responsibility for our own happiness and contentment. As long as we have someone to blame for our misery, we won’t take responsibility.  See the catch-22 situation?

The first step to solving a problem is to recognize the problem.  The next step is to open our hearts and minds and brainstorm solutions.  Since we are all part of this collective consciousness, it takes all of our contributions to shift this energy from the violent act of blame and shame to the peaceful act of love, forgiveness and compassion.  Perhaps the Dalia Lama or another Buddhist has the solution.  We too have the wisdom in our hearts to change our minds and shift consciousness.  Each of us has a role to play, that I know.